Love & Hip Hop Atlanta Recap: Season 1 Ep. 2

Love & Hip Hop Season 1 Episode 2

So last week on my post I gave MiMi a series of proverbial #fails in hopes that she would be able to redeem herself & upgrade to C minus status!! Instead, I just wanted to throw out my fuckin grade book, burn my credentials, & proceed to slap the shit outta her with a gallon of "I LOVE MYSELF" juice!! The aftermath of Stevie J leaving with Joseline resulted in MiMi coming up with "The You Can Fuck Trannys for 20 %" business deal which is  just as bad as the "STFU" house!! Well being that Stevie J ain't had a hit since Puff was in a glitter trashbag doin da Harlem Shake tellin errybody to "takedat takedat", Babygirl 20% of everythang he makes is...hmmm...ah...rah...divide by 2 carry da 1...Jyeah!! Zero dollars and zero cents!!


And can somebody please tell me why this fool got on the piano & started Sangin & Shit?? I swear I saw mimi panties gettin wet while he did his best Jeffery Osborne on crack impersonation!!  LMAOOOO!!      Now we all saw the pics of Stevie J's shaboinker (Jean Claude Van DAMN!!) but GURL, I'm starting to wonder if his shaboinker shoots Bath Salts or Conrad Murray "Sleep Milk" cause either yo ass is sleep or dead not to see he LYING about not sleeping with Jose...ehr Joseline!! #PermanentFail


Rasheda, Rasheda, Ras-atchet!! Honey dem braids texted me and told me to tell you, "YOU AIN'T BOUT DIS LIFE!!" We're introduced to this chick who is managed by her hubby Kirk who seems to be a LOT more realistic than she is!! That song, that 2 step, & dat eye shadow was AWFULICIOUS & it made me wanna BURN MY EARS OFF *pukes tryna remember the chorus* But even worse than that, that Diva attitude, showing up 2 hrs late like she was Be-yon-ce but instead she just came across as a real Be-yotch!!  Dude really let his Mangina show when he just let her ass flounce up in there bitchin like they got a $2 million dollar budget & from what we could see it looked very YouTube / 99 Cent Only-ish!!





Next, we see Erica & her mama discussing her relationship with her Booski Scrappy and then the conversation turns into forgiveness which I can totally relate to being that my mama has a similar story!! BUT when Scrappy comes to talk to Erica & tells her he gotta get his own spot I feel like I got slapped by the WTF Ghost!! You wanna be with me but you need yo own place?? DID all these women go to sleep & wake up on planet DumbAss?? I like Erica dough...something about her seems very genuine!! I think it's the youngsta in her.


I was NOT the only one CRACKIN THE FUCK UP when KarlieRedd & Joseline was arguing at the gym!! Joseline confronting her was wronger than Precious in a bikini contest on South Beach!! Wouldn't it had been AWESOME if Karlie would've picked up one of them weights and windmilled that ass?? Hahahaha!! 1000 COOL POINTS to Karlie for not being phased and telling her "Bitch do I look worried?" CLASSIC!!

 


Can somebody please Tweet this to Joseline cause after she BROKE MY FUCKIN EYES with that NAKED picture & then the next morning claim she was listening to Marvin Sapp, she needs to HEAR THIS!!!

"BOO, YOU IS A SIDE BITCH, a BUSS IT BABY, A JUMPOFF, A BASIC BITCH!! Side bitches have no power!! You make 0% of decisions about Stevie J biz & on the scale of 1 to 10 your importance level is a NEGATIVE 809,654,123!!
In terms you'll understand, Main Bitch ( ) <---------- here!! But yo ass, Side Bitch ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------->() here!! Know yo position Boo!!  You don't get to decide Spit, Speak, or Spaghetti!! Shit yo ass don't even get to decide if you get Doritos & a Slurpee after he fucks you & goes home to MiMi!!"

I texted VH1 & asked them why won't they put up subtitles for Joseline, but they said they tried & it kept looking like this#@$%~(&+/-&????? So they decided against it.LMAOOOOO!!!

Ok...so on to the REAL DRAMA...

Joseline says the Fairy Tranny Mama didn't come and she might be preggers!! Now that right there is some Dr. Oz Shit cause how on EARF can 2 dicks produce a baby?? O_o #PerplexedAsFuck
She relays this info to Stevie J & what does KING Asshole say, (insert drum roll here) "We got photoshoots coming up!" ROTFLMAOOOOOOOO!!  Hmmm...Did he really suggest a Rhymes-With-Smushsmortion on LIVE TV??? I CAN NOT....

Not until next week yall!!

Love, Peace, & BLUE MAGIC GREASE!!  ;-)  

Love & Hip Hop Atlanta Recap: Season 1 Ep. 1

Season 1 Episode 1

Now that BasketBall Wives have ended & errybody was all pissed off cause they was on there actin like Heathans being dragged to church, VH1 has blessed my life with some new Summer Fuckery *pause & tears up* Love & Hip Hop Atlanta!!

Let's just get right to it! Stevie J surprised his Baby Mama MiMi with a "STFU" House (as in "Here's a house!! Now STFU!!) Why was it 9635458701 miles away from the City making sure it would take her 2 days by car to get there?? So he can play Cross Da Pentis Swords with that Tranny chick?? At 1st it seemed like Mimi was gonna be SKRONG & tell his ass where he can stick his lil "STFU House" but then, those Self Esteem Ninjas (the same ones that's obviously been jumping Lil Kim) jumped out the bushes & attacked her ass. She told him she would think about it!! #fail

NEXT...we meet Erica, Lil Scrappy's Baby Mama who seems like she just found out that Diamond & her Boo just got finished humpin that morning!! Baby either you gonna forgive him & move on or you gon sit there& be pissed about the chick that done moved on TWICE already...hell ain't NOBODY checking for Souljah Boy no mo and I do mean N-O-B-A-W-D-Y!!

ROTFLMAO @ our next cast member Jose...erh....I mean Joseline!! Girlfriend has on a pair of padded booty shorts (which I hear are great for tucking) & talks about how Stevie J, her MANager is blowin her back out & fuckin her brains!! And when they played that WACKTASTIC ASS TRACK that she professes later is gonna make them billions, I had to hold my church finger up & Scuse myself as I prepared to slam head on the ground like an ostrich!!

The inevitable star of the show, Mama Dee, Lil Scrappy's Mom/Manager gives us our 1st T-Shirt worthy saying..."In THAT Order"...even though I'm still trying to figure out if you only say one thing how can you do it in order? :-/

Moving right along...K. Michelle, an inspiring singer who can actually SANG, fills us in her story. She had a record deal with Jive Records& explained that her un-named ex (Memphitz, Yep!! Toya's new hubby...but I ain't the 1 to gossip, so you ain't heard that from me) spent all the advance money, blacked out & WHOOPED DAT ASS, thus, sending her all the way back to---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------->scratch!!

And finally we meet Ms.Karlie Redd, who is also ALLEDGELY (she bussed a Island Girl rap but she ain't SANG not NOUN note) an insipiring singer who actually is in the center of all the drama between Mimi (#fail)& Joseline!! See, while she was meeting with Stevie J & Joseline about working together, she was under the assumption that Joseline was Stevie's girl!! MiMi (#fail) pretending to be surprised & upset by this info at K.Michelle's B-Day Shindig & confronted him, but it was obvious, that the self esteem ninjas got her!! While her & Stevie J had it out with Jose...eh...Joseline standing by talking shit like she was MAIN BITCH & NOT SIDE BITCH with her Magenta Fur & Harriet Tubman head wrap on, Stevie J threw on his "Asshole Shades" & left with his man Jose...eh...Joseline, leaving MiMi (#fail) standing there lookingstuckonstoopid.edu!!

Can't wait to see what happens next week when the Tranny might be preggers!! Oh my!! O_o

Until then, LOVE, PEACE & BLUE MAGIC GREASE yall!! ;-)

Oh and I didn’t forget about Rasheeda…she was a non-factor this week with ugly ass braids that made her look like a GOOMBA from Super Mario Brothers!! *_*