Love & Hip Hop Atlanta Recap: Season 1 Ep. 5

Love & Hip Hop Atlanta Recap: Season 1 Ep: 4

2012 BET AWARDS

Opening Act: GOOD MUSIC & Kanye....Yo! Kanye did a 3 min freestyle at the end with no music & dropped the mic when he was done!! HOT PERFORMACE!! #PASS!!

The Host: Samuel L. did a decent job...the rap with Spike Lee was funny & the Hollywood Husbands thing was ok (a lil on the Yawntastic side though) And I know I wasn't wishing Sam would've just said "FUCK
ALL LIS MAN!!" & let Kevin Hart take over as Host!! LMAOOOOOOO!! Overall though, he wasn't that bad...PASS!!

The Awards: For the most part, the winners was spot on!! Loved when Beyonce "beat up" JayZ when he & Kanye won over her!! Too cute but I declare that today's  R&B is on LIFE SUPPORT with those Nominees!!
:-( And while Nikki Garage may have won best Female Hip Hop artist 3 years in a row, let's be CRYSTAL FUCKIN CLEAR about the fact that Missy, Eve, or Lauryn Hill ain't put an album out during the last 3
years  either!!  And when that SQUISH FACED, SILICON INJECTED, BOOT MOUF TART yelled on stage that, "Niggas need to step their dick game up!" I wanted to STRANGLE her Ratched Ass!! Rosa Parks texted me from Heavan and said, "Really Sexcee, I sat on the FRONT of the bus for this kinda COONERY? THE FUCK?" LMAO!! #FAIL

The Performances: Kanye, Frankie Beverly & Mase (the tribute & the actual group), Melanie Fiona, Chante Moore with the Donna Summer Tribute, & The Whitney Tribute with Cissy Houston sanging with not a dry eye in the House including Souljah Boy who looked like a Sad Cracked Out Thingee from Harry Potter, all #PASS On the other hand, Usher & dem PINK ASS BOOTS *_*, Nikki Garage just makes me VOMIT, D'Angelo & his 27 piece Lace Front & a voice that sounded like he's been chewing BATH SALTS O_o, Val Simpson's feather bangs & her Cancer having ponytail of braids sounded like she was gargling rocks instead of singing, Chris Brown & the Body Paint & Auto Tuned voice, Rick Ross & Maybach Music, & Tyga were all "Blah".

Anybody else was not memorable as I can't recall!! LMAOOOOO!! Overall #FAIL-YER!!

Love & Hip Hop Atlanta Recap: Season 1 Ep. 3

Do yall be on pins & needles waiting for this half scripted fuckery like me?? CTFUUUUU!! Shoot me...I love to be entertained by Must See Ratchet TV!!

So we pick up where we left off with Stevie J & Joseline having a convo in which she tells him she's preggers with his baby & she'll take him for 50% of his coins!! King Ding-a-Ling once again throws on
his "Asshole" shades & tells her she can get 50% of DeezNutz!! CTFUUUUUUUU!! I don't give a damn what yall think, that shit was CLASSIC!!

K. Michelle gets a REAL SHIT review of her career from both, her producer & her potential mananger, HEAVY HITTERS, B. Cox & Jeff Robinson, respectively!!!! They both inform her that goings FEDS on
studio execs was NOT A GOOD LOOK & she gon have to do more than SANG to prove herself!! She did a showcase & baby got PIPES!! But Girlfriend also got DRAMA!! So it turns out that the heffa KarlyRedd
is a HOTT MESS EXPRESS!! Did this wanch start SOME MO shit between Stevie J & Mimi at a K.Michelle event?? She shole did when she pointed out some chick he supposedly had shaboinked!! But did she really go up to B. Cox & tell him he fuckin wit the wrong artist?? Yes she did...and that my friend is how you end up on TMZ pickin yo FACE UP OFF DA CONCRETE making that goofy ass white boy with the long hair rewind that shit like 50-leven times!!


Rasheda's storyline is just like them Malnutritioned Braids in her head...makes my TEEFUS itch!! Her dude is tryna be REALISTIC about her shitty career & she has a stank ass  attitude!! I predict her album
sales will go Triple Aluminum Foil!!

And yall, I really like Erica but she pissing me off thinking that Lil Scrappy wanna be in a monogomous relationship but IS MOVING OUT!! He said she gives him the L & the E but not the OV....translation, Erica
don't give head!! Chile, all the fishnet stockings, footrubs, & candles in America ain't gone keep that man they way a Schedule of Monthly Blow Jobs & some tacos will!! I'm just sayin  Booski...step ya game up & learn da thumb trick!! ;-)

Stevie J got drunk & wanted to fuck MiMi in a headlock at K. Michelle's Showcase coming to the table by demanding a kiss. When she refused, he was pissed that Erica clowned him & so in TRUE ASSHOLE
FASHION he insulted her & called her a bitch all the while MiMi was logged on to LetShitHappenInMyFace.com!! It's cool though cause Lil Scrappy PROMISED he gon put PAWS on dude!!


Anywhos & hoes, after watching this crazy shit last night, I am CONVINCED that Joseline, who's accent sound like a combo of Spanish, Ebonics, & Retardation, is the MAIN BITCH & Mimi (#failing BIG TIME
this week) is the side bitch!!  She confronts MiMi & tell her she preggers by King Ding-A-Ling with a Baby Ding-A-Ling in her STOMACH!! And what does MiMi do, sticks her head in the sand like a Ostrich wit
Sars!! She gets up and leave & Stevie throws a drink in Joseline's face reducing her to feel like the PIECE OF SHIT she REALLY is for fuckin with a man that's NOT HERS!!


They HASH it out and I would tell yall what happened but I couldn't understand shit she was Saying...sounded like a Jamacain ASS Rainman!!  #FAIL

Until next week...LOVE, PEACE, & BLUE MAGIC HAIR GREASE!!  ;-)

NEW SHOW ALERT: "Real Mistresses Of Atlanta" CHILE PLEEEEEASE!

What kind of mess is this??? I mean forreal... has America lost their damn minds? Has REALITY TV come to this?

If you were ever wondering where the line between exploitation and pure entertainment lies....this new "Real Mistresses of Atlanta" show could be the prototype for unnecessary foolishness showcased just for the sake of ratings and shock value.  These people on this show can't believe the bullsh*t they're spitting out their mouths themselves.  But anything for fame right?

Sarah Oliver is a white "video vixen"/booty model who takes the cameras into her plastic surgery appointments to document her ass shots.  And she explains why she only dates married men. She also called black women's genitalia "gross" and says, "A brown skin pu**y with a pink inside...who would want that?!"

I guess white women who purposely parade themselves as side hos (that's essentially how Sarah describes herself) and demean ALL black women's genitalia is OK for creator Memphitz Wright and whoever is producing this....as long as it brings in the viewers.  Two thumps up.

Maliah Michelle is a proud stripper who has dated several celebs...married and single.  And she dishes on all the material things she gets...so it justifies why she's a better person than most apparently.  Sadly, she's the most articulate one, but is clearly misguided.

MaryJane *MJ* is trying to become a rapper apparently...and we're going to leave it at that.

Brandan speaks on the athletes, actors and other celebrity men he gets down with. And...

Rosee Divine is a French "model" who is at the beck and call of NBA players and celebrity men.

The end quote from the trailer voiced by one of the cast members: "If a b*tch got a pu**y and she aint got a million dollars, she needs to see a psychiatrist."


Can you say HEAUXS gone WILD! This foolishness! How can I explain to people that ATLien's haven't lost their damn minds? Smdh!

Check out which demeaning things a white video chick has to say about black women, how a stripper justifies why she's a better woman than most, and how other self proclaimed mistresses move in ATL....

Apparently, this 8+ minute trailer is being shopped to different networks for the show to be picked up.
Will YOU be watching???

New Show Alert: Hollywood Exes

Hollywood Exes stars Nicole Murphy, Jessica Canseco, Sheree Fletcher, Andrea Kelly, and Mayte Garcia.

According to the press release: “These five women, who have all been friends for years and in some cases for as long as 20 years, want to show the world they are more than just a trophy wife with a pretty face. They want to establish themselves as independent, successful women and bring relevance and honor to themselves separate from their very famous exes…even if there is a little drama along the way.”

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Andrea Kelly *R. Kelly's Ex-Wife*

Nicole Murphy *Eddie Murphy's Ex-Wife*

Sheree' Fletcher *Will Smith's Ex-Wife*

Mayte' Garcia *Prince's Ex-Wife*

Jessica Conseco *Jose' Conseco's Ex-Wife*

Soooooo....This new joint, "Hollywood Exes" which is FINALLY PROPERLY NAMED, introduced us to 5 chicas who actually seem like they didn't all meet in the green room or at the craft services table!! It's less RATCHET-TY than the other VH-1 shows & kinda what we all THOUGHT Basketball Wives would be like!!

We start off with R. Kelly's ex, Andrea, who was married to him through the whole "I Piss on Jr. High School Girls" scandal!! The funny thing is, just like her castmates, a lot of people didn't even know his ass was married!! So you mean  to tell me she sat through that ugly trial AND him wearing that fucking mask like he was one of Michael Jackson's kids, AND all 7200 episodes of Trapped in The Closet?? WOWZERS!! She's a SKRONG Chica to endure all that tom foolery even if her face kinda looks like she fell asleep on a bed of rocks!! And her assistant?? Was I the only one thinking that his head look like it was freshly squeezed with a pair of Vice Grips?? LMAOOOOOO!! Anywho, girlfriend is leaving Chi-Town & relocating to Cali & starts complaining when she runs into The Devil AKA The 405 Freeway!! She's not easy on the eyes, but I admire her spirit and her line about staying Drama Free, "Please...I got stretch marks & mortgages!" ;-)

Next we meet Nicole Murphy, Eddie Murphy's ex & she explains what it's like going from being waited on hand & foot, poppin tags with no realm of why price tags exist, & having Gucci this, Gucci that to having to do like the rest of us REGULAR folks and cook meals, clean house, & shop with an imaginary price gun!! She's now engaged to Michael Strahan...yeah gapped toofus ex NYC Giants Michael Strahan!! She's supposed to be this beautiful GLAMAZON, but I kept finding her botox-ed face & her Orangy Leathery look quite disturbing!! OH!!

Then Halleluyer!! We meet Sheree Fletcher, Will Smith's ex wife, who is now a preacher's wife...a preacher who refuses to relocate from San Diego while she lives in LA!! I like RedBone Jesus Barbie but  the jury is still out on her hubby the ReveRent Passah Fletcher!! Call me weird but something about him not wanting to relocate to LA seems off!! O_o

Did yall even know Prince's lil pretty ass was something like a Mike's Hard Lemonade & Condoms kinda guy?? (looks for Chris Hansen LMAOOOO!!) His ex Mayte says she met him while she was 16 yrs old!! Mamacita seems somewhat well adjusted to living life without The Lil Purple Lesbian (couldn't he pass as a Pretty Ass Woman though?? CTFUUUUUU!!) so I was REALLY CONFROOSED & wondering why she had that BUSTED ASS SOCCER MOM on her couch tryna hook her up on a date!! *_* A bit of advice?? Get rid of that DAMN ZOO!! How you gon GetItPoppin.com when you got 1700 cats, 500 dogs, 2 fish, & some fuckin birds?? FAILURE OF GEORGE BUSH AT THE LIBRARY PROPORTIONS!!

And finally we meet the group's resident Shit Starter (according to the previews) Jessica, Jose Conseco's ex who seems like a BALL of Fun & Surprises!! Did her ex REALLY ask her if he could move back in?? YES!! Did she invite his ass out with her so he can watch & droul from afar as she danced & had a good time with her girls?? YES!! Did this crazy heffa really have Cooch Surgery on the 1st epi?? YES!! I love her crazy ass cause it looks like she's the one that's gonna keep things interesting!!

Overall, I like these ladies because they actually seem to share a TRUE BOND & they have a lil class about themselves...but I guess we'll have to keep watching to see if we'll get MustSeeRatchet TV!!

Love, Peace, & Blue Magic Hair Grease Yall!! ;-)

Love & Hip Hop Atlanta Recap: Season 1 Ep. 2

Love & Hip Hop Season 1 Episode 2

So last week on my post I gave MiMi a series of proverbial #fails in hopes that she would be able to redeem herself & upgrade to C minus status!! Instead, I just wanted to throw out my fuckin grade book, burn my credentials, & proceed to slap the shit outta her with a gallon of "I LOVE MYSELF" juice!! The aftermath of Stevie J leaving with Joseline resulted in MiMi coming up with "The You Can Fuck Trannys for 20 %" business deal which is  just as bad as the "STFU" house!! Well being that Stevie J ain't had a hit since Puff was in a glitter trashbag doin da Harlem Shake tellin errybody to "takedat takedat", Babygirl 20% of everythang he makes is...hmmm...ah...rah...divide by 2 carry da 1...Jyeah!! Zero dollars and zero cents!!


And can somebody please tell me why this fool got on the piano & started Sangin & Shit?? I swear I saw mimi panties gettin wet while he did his best Jeffery Osborne on crack impersonation!!  LMAOOOO!!      Now we all saw the pics of Stevie J's shaboinker (Jean Claude Van DAMN!!) but GURL, I'm starting to wonder if his shaboinker shoots Bath Salts or Conrad Murray "Sleep Milk" cause either yo ass is sleep or dead not to see he LYING about not sleeping with Jose...ehr Joseline!! #PermanentFail


Rasheda, Rasheda, Ras-atchet!! Honey dem braids texted me and told me to tell you, "YOU AIN'T BOUT DIS LIFE!!" We're introduced to this chick who is managed by her hubby Kirk who seems to be a LOT more realistic than she is!! That song, that 2 step, & dat eye shadow was AWFULICIOUS & it made me wanna BURN MY EARS OFF *pukes tryna remember the chorus* But even worse than that, that Diva attitude, showing up 2 hrs late like she was Be-yon-ce but instead she just came across as a real Be-yotch!!  Dude really let his Mangina show when he just let her ass flounce up in there bitchin like they got a $2 million dollar budget & from what we could see it looked very YouTube / 99 Cent Only-ish!!





Next, we see Erica & her mama discussing her relationship with her Booski Scrappy and then the conversation turns into forgiveness which I can totally relate to being that my mama has a similar story!! BUT when Scrappy comes to talk to Erica & tells her he gotta get his own spot I feel like I got slapped by the WTF Ghost!! You wanna be with me but you need yo own place?? DID all these women go to sleep & wake up on planet DumbAss?? I like Erica dough...something about her seems very genuine!! I think it's the youngsta in her.


I was NOT the only one CRACKIN THE FUCK UP when KarlieRedd & Joseline was arguing at the gym!! Joseline confronting her was wronger than Precious in a bikini contest on South Beach!! Wouldn't it had been AWESOME if Karlie would've picked up one of them weights and windmilled that ass?? Hahahaha!! 1000 COOL POINTS to Karlie for not being phased and telling her "Bitch do I look worried?" CLASSIC!!

 


Can somebody please Tweet this to Joseline cause after she BROKE MY FUCKIN EYES with that NAKED picture & then the next morning claim she was listening to Marvin Sapp, she needs to HEAR THIS!!!

"BOO, YOU IS A SIDE BITCH, a BUSS IT BABY, A JUMPOFF, A BASIC BITCH!! Side bitches have no power!! You make 0% of decisions about Stevie J biz & on the scale of 1 to 10 your importance level is a NEGATIVE 809,654,123!!
In terms you'll understand, Main Bitch ( ) <---------- here!! But yo ass, Side Bitch ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------->() here!! Know yo position Boo!!  You don't get to decide Spit, Speak, or Spaghetti!! Shit yo ass don't even get to decide if you get Doritos & a Slurpee after he fucks you & goes home to MiMi!!"

I texted VH1 & asked them why won't they put up subtitles for Joseline, but they said they tried & it kept looking like this#@$%~(&+/-&????? So they decided against it.LMAOOOOO!!!

Ok...so on to the REAL DRAMA...

Joseline says the Fairy Tranny Mama didn't come and she might be preggers!! Now that right there is some Dr. Oz Shit cause how on EARF can 2 dicks produce a baby?? O_o #PerplexedAsFuck
She relays this info to Stevie J & what does KING Asshole say, (insert drum roll here) "We got photoshoots coming up!" ROTFLMAOOOOOOOO!!  Hmmm...Did he really suggest a Rhymes-With-Smushsmortion on LIVE TV??? I CAN NOT....

Not until next week yall!!

Love, Peace, & BLUE MAGIC GREASE!!  ;-)